


With Every Winter's Breath

by MagicalMoon



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fear, Grief/Mourning, Love, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-18 01:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14201718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalMoon/pseuds/MagicalMoon
Summary: As snow begins to fall, Kathryn finds herself in a state distress.





	With Every Winter's Breath

**Author's Note:**

> These characters are not mine (bummer I know). No copyright intended. 
> 
> This story is inspired by an arrangement called "With Every Winter's Breath" by Randall D. Standridge

Kathryn felt the cold air. It was seeping into her skin, When she inhaled the crisp air seemed to coat her lungs It was as if she was being suffocated. Her body had gone numb. Kathryn knew she had to get up but she couldn’t. Her body felt like it was frozen. She tried to scream, but nothing came out. All she could feel were the warm tears streaming down her face. 

Suddenly Kathryn shot up. When she opened her eyes, she was looking at the pink walls of her childhood bedroom. Sobs filled the room. This was nothing new. These nightmares often permeated in her mind, especially during the winter. It was those moments that Kathryn realized she indeed was alone. She was never sure if it was the fear, the relief, or the loneliness that brought Kathryn to tears. 

This time, however, she felt someone sit up next to her. 

“Kathryn, are you hurt ?” 

The older woman looked into the eyes of her very concerned love, and her sobbing ceased. All Kathryn could do was nod. She felt too weak to speak.

“Darling I need you to hold me.” 

Her girlfriend immediately complied. When Kathryn felt the warmth radiating from her partner, she quickly calmed down. The sound of her breathing provided the older woman with a sense of comfort. She was protected. With that in the back of her mind, she was able to sleep through the rest of the night. 

 

Seven turned over expecting to feel her partner sleeping next to her, but all she felt was a cool spot indicating her lover’s absence. She knew where her girlfriend was. 

Seven wasn’t surprised when she saw Kathryn sitting on the window seat in her father’s office, cradling a mug in her hands. She was staring out the window, watching the snow begin to cover the ground. 

“Kathryn please tell me what is wrong.” 

Her response was curt “I’m fine Seven go back to bed.” 

The young woman clapped her hands behind her back and lifted her chin in defiance. “I will not.” 

The older woman rolled her eyes “I’m not in the mood for your stubbornness right now. I need to be alone. Please.” 

“As you wish” Kathryn heard her partner’s footsteps as she walked down the hall. She felt a pang of guilt for pushing her girlfriend away. This was Seven’s first snowfall. It should be a fun occasion. The should go outside, build snowmen, make snow angels. Kathryn wanted to give her love that experience but she couldn’t. For the second time, that night tears rolled down Kathryn’s cheeks. This time it wasn’t due to fear. It was because of her weakness and selfishness. When she felt herself dozing off, she decided to join her girlfriend. 

 

That morning Seven rolled over, she was relieved to feel her girlfriend sleeping next to her. When Seven saw her face, she could tell Kathryn had been crying. Her face was red and swollen. She rubbed the tear-stained cheek softly. Seven wished her partner would say to her what was wrong. For now, all she could do was hope that eventually, Kathryn would come around. 

Seven got out of bed and began to pack their belongings. They were due back in San Francisco by the afternoon. Seven debated whether she should wake the sleeping woman up or just let her be. By the time the young woman finished packing it was 1000. She gently went over to the older woman and stroked her cheek lovingly.

“It is time to wake up my Kathryn.”

Kathryn’s eyes fluttered open “What time is it?” she asked between yawns. 

“It is 1000.” 

Her partner slowly got up and walked towards the window. Much to her dismay, the snow is continuing to fall. 

“Kathryn, our transport is arriving at 1300 hours ” 

Her head jerked up “We can’t leave.” 

Seven was perplexed “Why not ?” 

“We” the older woman was stuttering “We.” She covered her forehead with the palms of her hands “We just can’t Seven.” 

“Kathryn we must, we are due at Starfleet Headquarters at 1500 hours.” Seven’s concern for her girlfriend increased as each second gone passed. 

“Can’t we just tell Starfleet that we are delayed.” 

Seven felt Kathryn’s forehead “ you seem to be functioning within normal parameters. Maybe showering will help.” 

The older woman took her girlfriend’s advice. Maybe a shower would calm her down, and it gave her an opportunity to gather her thoughts. As the steaming water ran down her body, she told herself that everything would be okay and that she, as well as Seven, would return to San Francisco safely. For a split moment, she believed it. When she stepped out of the warm shower the cold air hit her like a slap in the face. Her anxiety came back. 

When she finished dressing it was approaching 1200. Kathryn felt her heart starting to beat faster, One moment she felt hot than the next cold. An odd tingly sensation ran through her body. Kathryn tried to shake it off, telling herself she didn’t sleep enough and drank too much coffee. As much as she tried to rationalize these physical sensations she couldn’t. 

The transport was due to arrive in a half hour. Kathryn’s physical state had worsened. She felt clammy and thought she was going to pass out. Once again she looked out the window. It was snowing harder than it was this morning. Memories began to flood her mind. 

 

 _Daddy, Justin where are you Kathryn thought to herself. Her body was numb, she was unable to move. She wasn’t sure how long she had been submerged, but it hurt to breathe. Kathryn tried to scream for help. No one would be able to help her. She was sure death was near. She couldn’t die she needed to find Daddy and Justin. She needed to get help. Kathryn fell unconscious._

 

Without realizing it, Kathryn cried out her loud sobs filled the room. Immediately her girlfriend ran to her. 

“Kathryn! Are you okay ?” 

Instead of saying “I’m fine” she responded “No.”

The younger woman guided Kathryn to the sofa. “Please tell me what is wrong.” 

She took a deep breath. “Seven, I can’t leave. I’m so afraid. I’m afraid we will crash and I wouldn’t be able to save you. I cannot lose you like I lost Daddy and Justin. I love you so much. Annika, you have a piece of my heart. Without you, it would shatter.” Her sobs decreased in intensity but were still present. “I can’t lose you, please don’t make me go. At least not until the storm stops.” 

Seven immediately pulled her girlfriend towards her chest and stroked her back. “My Kathryn, I wish you confided in me earlier. Of course, we can stay here I would never force you to do something you were uncomfortable with doing. I love you so much. I could not imagine a life without you being a part of it.” 

“So you don’t think I’m weak ?” 

The younger woman was in shock. “Kathryn how could you ever think that You are the strongest individual I know. Your strength has assisted me in finding my own.” 

Kathryn tilted her head up and kissed her partner sweetly on the lips. “Thank you, my love.” 

“You are my world, now rest. I will be here when you wake up. I will always be here for you.” 

When Kathryn snuggled into her wife’s warm body her anxiety finally subsided. 

With Every Winter’s Breath, she was reminded of the tragic deaths she witnessed many years ago. 

Now Kathryn found the warmth she needed all along.

**Author's Note:**

> Out of all the stories I have written. This one was definitely the hardest. Kathryn's circumstances, as well as her panic attack, were based on my own. The physical description of her anxiety is identical to my own (luckily I have not had a panic attack with that much intensity as of late.) Nonetheless, I did enjoy writing it and I hope you all enjoyed reading my work. 
> 
>  
> 
> I love Kudos (just sayin)


End file.
